Lately, as in within the last few weeks; God has been really tugging at my heart. It have spent many sleepless nights because I feel the Lord trying to get a hold of me. He has place certain things on my heart to pray for, or certain people. Two Sundays ago from today, I was in church. We were worshiping and I began praying; but was unable to talk. So usually when I can't figure out how to communicate with God, I use my prayer language. As I was speaking in tongues, emotions began to well up. The music was getting softer, and I felt like God wanted me to say something to the Congregation.
I had never felt like this before, or done anything like this; so to not be disruptive I left the service and went into the Ladies restroom. While I was in there; I started weeping and speaking in tongues. The words came out very forceful; so forceful that I held my stomach.
I still wonder what someone would have done if they came into the bathroom and heard speaking in tongues coming from the stall? haha Anyway. After the service I told my dad that something was right with me. He gave me a funny look, but then I explained. He had me meet with Pastor Ted and talk to him about what happened. I told him everything and asked if it would be okay to share what God had put on my heart for the church. He agreed; but told me that God would try to use me again. Also, that I needed to respond, or else God could give the gift to someone else.
Not wanting to let that happen; I chose to respond. The next Sunday after that my family and I were in Montana. So nothing happened. But today we went to church. And I knew that it was going to happen sometime during service because I was unable to sleep all last night. There was such a heaviness of the Holy Spirit on me.
All morning my stomach had been sour. Probably because of nerves. Sue had made it in town for Pastor Charm's birthday, so that was great to see her! We talked for a little bit, then she got back to helping her dad.
Worship began and I started to sing. But I was unable to sing or speak in tongues well. It was like, nothing could come out until the right time. This was so foreign to me? I just wanted to be used by God and Him to take control!
At the right time, when Kevin had just finished saying something and worship was quiet; I was able to speak in tongues. The Lord took control and began speaking through me. Hoping that someone had the interpretation or that God would give me the words; as soon as it stopped, a lady from the other side of the church spoke. God used her to interpret.
I was overcome, once again with emotion and weeping. That was so cool, to know that God came through. He is faithful and spoke through someone else. It was a blessing.
No one can break my heart like God. This is in a good way. He ultimately breaks me...and brings me to a place where I am humbled. All I can say is thank you God. You are faithful. May we be obedient in the church when God wants to use us for His purpose!
.....TIgerLily*
If you have had anytype of experience like that, or have any advice/wisdom to pass on; please share! I'd love to hear it~! :D
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3 comments:
Rachael:
First, let us thank you for your willingness to listen to Him and for having the courage to follow His leading. Since we missed the service yesterday, what was His message?
Gpa and Gma Turco
Heya Rachael...
I recently had an experience where God used me to speak to our Young Adults group. Although the way that God spoke to me and used me was much different to your experience.
We were at our Young Adults camp, and I went for a walk on Saturday morning, took my journal along, and wrote what I felt God was saying. At this point, I didn't know if the word was for anyone in particular or anytime, I just wrote it down. Later that day, I added a scripture to it, as I remembered reading it the night before, and made the connections.
On Sunday morning during our prayer, praise and worship, and sermon session, I felt at the start of the meeting to share with everyone what I had written down the day before. I wrestled with God as I was too chicken to go up in front of everyone. All throughout the praise and worship I was debating about whether to share the word. I could feel my heart beating faster, my leg was shaking with nervousness - I just did not want to do it, thought I felt the need to. I even started bargaining with God (If the pastor opens up the mic for someone to give a word, then I will)!
It came to the last song and I thought "This is my last chance. I have to do it! I can't keep to myself a word that God has given to me to share with everyone. Why hold back? It's for the sake of HIS kingdom. HIS people. HIS name". And so I got up and did it.
It wasn't easy, I don't even remember what I said. If I hadn't had written it down, I probably wouldn't even remember the word. And afterwards it was just a feeling of relief.
It came down to this: I have prayed before, "God use me". And when he chooses to use me and says do this... I have to obey! So be careful what you ask God for =D
Isn't it amazing how God uses us? We love him, live in humble service before him, and he chooses to use us to bring his word to others. God is so so so amazing.
And you know what Rachael? I think this is just the beginning. God is teaching us. Training us.
It is so encouraging to hear of another spirit-filled young lady as yourself going through similar experiences half-way across the world. God is amazing.
Love, Sarah =)
p.s. apologies for the post-length of my comment!
It's so cool that God is taking you on this journey. When you come to the altar to pray with people, you can expect that the Lord will also give you a special word for them. I like what Sarah said about writing down what the Lord is giving you because if you don't get an opportunity in the corporate service to share, you can always share it with Pastor Ted later and he may have you give it the next Sunday.
Don't freak about your shyness. The Holy Spirit is gentle and understanding. He will keep nudging you with opportunities. I know from personal experience that as scary as it feels to share - it feels so much worse to hold back from doing what God wants - and that feeling nags you for days and weeks! God loves you and is trusting you to carry His word in many different ways. This is just one of them :-)
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